It will be two years since I left the corporate rat race to forge my own entrepreneurial path. The plan had been for my husband to keep working for the next two to five years as I got my business going. As what happens so many times, our plans are not what God has in mind.

On New Year’s Eve my husband’s employer told him that his position had been eliminated. Happy New Year! When he came home and told me the news prior to us fixing dinner that evening, my initial reaction was overwhelming sadness. Our plans had not worked out. I wanted to be hysterical and think of how awful it was, but those feelings and thoughts never came. Deep down I felt a peace about the situation.

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If you’ve ever attended Sunday school as a kid, or if you are familiar at all with the Bible, surely you’ve heard the story of Moses and the burning bush. God talks to Moses literally through a burning bush on the side of a mountain and tells Moses the next steps that he needs to take. I have often prayed for God to be so clear and dramatic when sometimes desperately seeking answers.

As I continue to seek God’s direction in my life, he is guiding me. In many cases, the answers are subtle, yet also in many cases, the answers and outcome are truly amazing. While there have been no burning bushes, there have certainly been many doors slammed and others opened. Many, who I call “angels”, came to my aid when I needed help.

In our society there has been an increasingly popular “spirituality” movement. Psychic readings, spiritual teachers and channeling abound. I believe the reason for this popularity is that we all want answers. We want the burning bush. We want to know what the future holds. Living a guided life, a life of faith, means living without being able to see our future – yet trusting that God has our future in his hands. Our faith comes ultimately from what is not seen.

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The worship service for the Sunday after Christmas at my church, First Presbyterian Church of Kirkwood, is always called – A Service of Lessons and Carols. It’s just that, a series of Scripture readings surrounded by carols and anthems sung by our Chancel Choir.

By society’s definition, Christmas is over and we have moved on to the after Christmas sales. The lights and adornments will stay up through the next holiday, New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day. Then all of the decorations and outward signs of Christmas will be gone until next year one minute after Halloween as retailers start earlier and earlier to capitalize on sales.

But the coming of Emmanuel is not something that happened one time and that’s it. Truly, God sent his Son and God is still with us. So, before you rush off to business as usual, take a moment to be still and read the following Prayer of Confession which was taken from our church bulletin this morning. It confirms that Christmas is never over.

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In seeking a life guided by God, I have experienced the most profound understanding of God’s love for me after venting raw emotions. Take for example last summer going into the fall.

I had to have some surgery done on an out-patient basis. Everything went well and I was feeling good by the fifth day until I received a phone call. It was my eighty-eight year old mother telling me that she had fallen and had broken her wrist. I wasn’t supposed to drive and the good news was, my husband, Robert, was at a rare meeting in town as opposed to being sixty miles away on a typical work day. We picked her up and took her to the emergency room. More good news was that she had broken the left wrist and she is right handed. That would be the end of the good news.

Four weeks later I received a call that my brother had collapsed on the running trail and needed to have open-heart surgery. One week after that announcement, my mother called telling me that she fell and had broken the other wrist. (No wonder I hate answering the telephone at home!)

My mother is fortunate to be healthy and lives on her own. But with two broken wrists, arrangements needed to be made to put her in a care facility until she could use her arms again. So, for weeks I shuffled back and forth, doing laundry, visiting her, sometimes taking her meals, and making sure she was getting the care she needed. During this time I was also trying to launch a business.

Thank goodness I had my constant companion of ten years, Duffy the Golden Retriever. After coming home from running all of the day’s errands, I would be physically and mentally exhausted. Duffy would always burst through the door to greet me with tail wagging and full of adoring love and affection. He had gotten me through the most difficult times of my life and this was ranked up there as one of the worst.

My brother came through the surgery with flying colors. After repeated visits to the nursing home, I was more confident that Mom was being taken care of and she was doing as well as could be expected. Things were starting to look up – that is until Halloween.

From a weather standpoint, It was one of the most beautiful days ever. But at  11PM that night,  Duffy got sick and wanted to go outside. He tried to throw up and couldn’t. When he came in, he had doubled in size. I called the animal hospital emergency room and they told me to get him in right away – that his stomach had turned. Robert and I raced the five minutes to the hospital. I wasn’t crying, I was wailing. We got Duffy comfortable and were given the options. We decided to do everything to save him which would mean surgery.

I was fortunate to see him. Duffy had been sedated and wasn’t suffering anymore and he recognized me. I got to say good-bye. I knew in my heart that he wasn’t going to pull through. The doctor said they would call us in a few hours.

At this time it was well past midnight. We drove home and I chose to wait out the time on the patio looking up at the stars. I was SO angry with God. I know that I pleaded for God to save him, but I knew given Duffy’s age that it was probably hopeless. As the hours ticked on, I knew that too much time was going by without a phone call. I yelled. I screamed. I shouted. How could God take Duffy away from me now after all that I had been through?  Why of all times now? I don’t ever remember being so angry at God.

It was 4:00AM by the time the doctors called. They discovered that Duffy had cancer of the liver when they did the surgery. He was not responding well. We had to make the decision to put him to sleep.

After my anger with God, the next day I realized that God is a God of mercy. The situation and the alternatives became clear to me. Duffy had cancer. He had been slowing down on our walks and was starting to look old and thin. I could tell that something was wrong.  With being ten years old, he was already within the standard 9-12 Golden life cycle. If he had lived, he would have suffered as the cancer would continue to take its toll.  I would have never been able to watch him suffer.

That Halloween, Duffy had the perfect day. He spent the day doing what he loved the most – being with his family, walking and meeting people.  When it’s our time, we should all have such a perfect day.

I believe that God knows what is best for us. I also believe that God wants us to be real with him. That night on the patio, I was very real.  These verses illustrate this well taken from Revelation 3:15 & 16:

“I know your deeds, that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish you were either one or the other! So, because you are lukewarm – neither hot nor cold – I am about to spit you out of my mouth.”

Perhaps you are angry at God for something that has happened in your life. It’s okay to be angry with God, he can take it.