I am the Child of an Alcoholic and a Child of God
I am an adult child of an alcoholic. I am also a magnificent child of God. (I decided to add that adjective.) That last sentence took me a long time to believe, along with the first sentence. Denial is a powerful and almost necessary force for children of alcoholics.
You see, I use the phrase a lot, “I didn’t know what I didn’t know.” I didn’t know that my father’s problem with alcohol became my problem. Because I didn’t become an alcoholic or abusive to other people, I proudly thought that I triumphed over my past. I almost hesitated in labeling myself as a child of an alcoholic, because I don’t believe in labels. However, I can’t deny any longer the deep wounds that children of alcoholics suffer as a result of their past.
My writings talk a lot about control. The reason I am a control freak is because my environment at home was out of control. It’s taken me decades to figure that out.
While I did not become an alcoholic, I became an addict. My drugs of unconscious choice were food and work. After a lifetime as an over achiever in the corporate world, I finally acknowledged the latter. I was a workaholic. Twelve years ago, I overcame my three decades of struggle with my weight, obsessive dieting and my dysfunctional relationship with food.
My relationship with God was equally dysfunctional. He was the great scorekeeper in the sky, the judge of my every action. The God I grew up with was not the God of Love that I know today.
I learned early on in my life not to feel, not to talk and not to trust. After a while I couldn’t even trust myself. That seems to be the motto of children of alcoholics. Sadly, I know that I am not alone. A statistic I read was that 76 million Americans have been exposed to alcoholism in their family.
Those days are gone. I’ve learned to trust – especially to trust God – the great healer – the God of miracles.
Learning to be still through meditation has helped me to cast out demons from my past. By quieting my mind, I have been able to develop an intimate connection with God.
The physical weight I carried is gone as well as the emotional weight that I carried. I share that complete story of the five words my choir director said to me that changed my life and the connection to the physical and emotional weight that I carried. That is on my website devoted to helping others lose weight permanently at The Freedom to Eat. I will be adding more resources there shortly.
Jesus said in Matthew 7:13 and 14, “Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious the road that leads to destruction, and many are those entering by it. Because narrow is the gate and contracted the road that leads onto life, and few are they who discover it.”
I have chosen the narrow road. It has turned into a glorious adventure off the beaten path. Sure, there are slippery slopes and even some turns that look like dead ends, but the road leads to higher ground and the Guide is the Ultimate Creator, the Creator of you and me. Who better can we trust than the Manufacturer who knows everything about us?
The Psalmist says, “I praise Thee because I have been fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous is Thy workmanship, as my soul is well aware. How precious to me are Thy thoughts, oh God! If I tried to count them, they would be more numerous than the sand.”
My goal is to experience true freedom – freedom from the demons of the past, freedom from doubt, worry, fear and the freedom to create and help others find freedom as my life’s work. I hope the resources offered here will help you to find peace, wholeness and freedom too.