An Invitation to Turn the Pain of Loneliness Into Peace and Solitude of the Heart

Turn Your Pain of Loneliness Into Solitude

The Beatles stated it well, “Ah, look at all the lonely people.”

As human beings we will all feel lonely. Our world is filled with people, but we feel disconnected instead of connected.

A Disconnected Society

You click the garage door opener, pull your car in, close the door, then enter your house. You are surrounded by other homes, but don’t know any of your neighbors.

You take the subway. No one smiles. In fact, you make it a point not to make eye contact, making sure your money is safe in your purse or pocket.

Competition in Relationships

Relationships can be competitive instead of intimate.

Your suggestions are ignored in a business meeting.

You post a new profile picture on Facebook and get a couple of likes. A friend posts a new profile picture and gets 700 likes.

Loneliness is Painful

Loneliness is painful. No one wants to feel pain. We will almost always avoid pain at all costs.

When loneliness starts to creep in, there are endless distractions to avoid feeling the pain. You can physically numb the pain with alcohol, food, sex, or other drugs.

You can take your attention away from the pain by reading, spending time with social media, watching movies, playing video games, etc.

Loneliness is a Spiritual Invitation

Loneliness is an invitation to a deep spiritual place within you. It is a call to give up your numbing, give up your avoiding, and step into the solitude of the heart.

At the heart of loneliness is feeling alone or unlovable. But we are not alone. And we are not unlovable. We are loved.

You are Not Alone, You are Loved

The Apostle Paul wrote, “I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor rulers, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.” Romans 8:39 (Uh, I don’t know about you, but that pretty much covers it all if you have any doubts about being loved by God.)

The Apostle John writes a heart-to-heart message and says in 1 John 4:19, “We love him because he first loved us.”

Leaving the Outside Noise for the Inward Solitude of the Heart

Having solitude of the heart is being able to leave the outside, material world. This is the world that tells you what you are supposed to be, do, and have in order to be happy and fulfilled.

When you turn your pain of loneliness into solitude, you cultivate love, compassion, and inner strength. Instead of clinging to others in your hunger for connection, you will create a safe distance to welcome others in.

When Jesus told his disciples he was leaving, he said, “The hour is coming, indeed it has come, when you will be scattered, each one to his home, and you will leave me alone. Yet I am not alone because the father is with me. I’ve said this to you, so that in me you may have peace. In the world you face persecution, but take courage; I’ve conquered the world!”

You can conquer your loneliness by finding solitude of the heart. God is waiting to hear your pain and open the sanctuary within you to experience peace, love and even joy.

When you feel this loneliness, retreat inward. Ask God to quiet your restless mind and soothe your aching heart. Let go of any past mistakes, guilt, blame, or other judgments that you heap on yourself to feel unlovable. Let God’s love fill your solitude and take away your loneliness.

Here’s a to help: A Prayer for Loneliness. Want encouragement on your spiritual path? Join The Guided Life below.

Need help in quieting your mind to experience God’s peaceful, loving presence and to let go and let God love you? These guided meditations will guide you step-by-step.

 

Step-by-Step Guided Meditations to
Experience God’s Peace and Presence and to
Let Go and Let God

Be Still and Let it Go Guided Meditations(Listen to samples, read testimonials)

God is still speaking. Are you listening? During a month-long prayer retreat, Author Jackie Trottmann asked God to give her a word. The words tumbled out in the form of love notes from God, resulting in 365 passages, each inspired by one word – and each passage meant for you in the book: “God Notes – Daily Doses of Divine Encouragement.”

Read how “God Notes” is impacting others:

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6 Responses to An Invitation to Turn the Pain of Loneliness Into Peace and Solitude of the Heart

  • Hi Lucia,
    Thank you for sharing here. I’m sorry that you are feeling loneliness so deeply. Going back to some journals in my early twenties, all I wrote about day after day was how lonely I was. How I longed to spend my life with a good, Christian man. I was living at home. Most of my friends had gotten married. I had a depressing job. All I did was go to work, come home, watch television, and eat. I’d turned away from church and was totally isolated. I could relate to what you wrote completely!

    One day I decided to find a church. I decided to find a new job. On the way home from church I picked up a paper to look for a new job. I decided that I loved business, art, and music – so advertising might be a good fit. There was a job for a part-time receptionist at an advertising agency. I called and got it. I quit my other job and also decided to return to school. The advertising job became full-time and turned into a 30 year career. I also met my first husband. Unfortunately, I had turned away from my faith. The marriage started out well, but I ended up being lonely there, too. That’s because I never truly knew myself. I had a lot of pain and wounds from my childhood. That’s what I mean by using the loneliness to connect to solitude with God. It wasn’t until I was a whole person that I was able to truly give love and accept love. I left the marriage because my soul was dying inside.

    The greatest commandment and the second greatest commandment, like it is to, “Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. And to love your neighbor as yourself.” I wanted love so badly that I wasn’t loving God first and foremost. Once I did that, Robert came into my life. I brought a whole person to this marriage. We have been together for 13 years. Our relationship is based on our strong faith and our love for God.

    Looking back 40 years ago, I never thought I would find love. But I found love by loving God, loving myself, and loving my neighbor. I knew that I needed to get out and to be open to what God would have in store for me. I found a church where I could receive love and support as well as friends.

    I do believe that God gives us the desires of our hearts. We just need to love and trust and move in the direction of our hopes and dreams.

    God is always with us. God’s Spirit is within us. We are never alone. I hope that you will know that in your heart.

    Peace to you,
    Jackie

  • I have found myself less alone after reading this article, and after praying the prayer for loneliness.
    I can’t help it though, no matter how much I try or am learning to invite solitude and God’s love into my heart, I remain incredibly lonely.
    Life continues to cut me off from having a close bond and love with someone, and I love and pray for a boyfriend become husband with all of my heart.
    I am 25 years old, and live in an isolated town though I am lucky enough to travel and have thanks for the wonderful friendships I am able to make.
    I live in a world where my friends who have been Christian since birth are married young and/ or are able to have strong community and family praise and joy.
    The rest of my friends live in the world of Tinder (online phone apps for finding boyfriends, that usually end in sex and infatuation).
    I know of only a few success stories from Tinder, and they are not based upon the strongest foundations. I pray that my friends all find love, whichever way it may come to them.
    Myself, I am not interested in Tinder because I am lonely for love rooted in deep trust and friendship.
    And as a liberal woman who went to Catholic elementary school, and then worked overseas with children and have had no personal understanding of faith until recently; I am also considered too different to marry a man who has been a part of the Christian communities around me.
    As a carer for a family member, I am isolated. I know that God knows what is right for me. As my good friend mentioned, He may not choose for me to have love for another ten, twenty, thirty years!
    I accept this, though I still cannot help how lonely I feel every day. It is so painful and I suffer greatly. I also feel loss from family deaths, as I have no parents left.

    What should I do to find solitude and God’s love whilst in the midst of deep, lasting loneliness?

    I continue to read and pray. Thank you for this website and wisdom.

  • Hi Sheila,
    Thank you for your vulnerability in sharing here. I know that you are not alone in your circumstances. I have several friends in similar situations. I know that the spiritual side of things only goes so far as you mention, missing, “someone holding your hand physically or talking to you in person.” After my divorce, I attended a workshop where one exercise was being in a circle as a group. We were blindfolded and stood face-to-face without seeing the person. The organizer gave instructions that we were to share something with that person. After, we were told to hug. I hadn’t been touched in several years. I burst out crying receiving that physical touch for the first time. So, I get it. My advice to you would be to find community – hopefully, a good church that feeds your soul, a woman’s book group, or some way to be engaged with others. When we lose someone we love, their presence leaves a hole. God gives us strength and love to go through our suffering. I firmly believe that God suffers with us.
    Peace to you,
    Jackie

  • Hi
    I have been trying for the past four and a half years to get over my depression and loneliness. There have been close family members and a husband dying and finally my mom in 2014. She was able to comfort me here where I now live without her. I know that God is always with us, however, you actually miss someone holding your hand physically or talking to you in person. I have no children, so that doesn’t help. I pray, praise God and read my bible everyday, but still find myself crying out to God to please direct my paths. I am 66 years old, and I think I want another husband, since mine has been gone three and a half years, but God hasn’t sent me anyone. I feel like I am going to go completely nuts sometimes around here. I am sure someone else is going through something similar. I will say though, I will not give up worshiping and thanking the Lord. If I do that I would be very unappreciative to all the other blessings he is giving me. I just miss my family, especially my mom. Maybe I am hurting so bad because I am an only child, I don’t know. God bless all of you Sheila

  • Hi Renee,
    I’m glad this could help and wishing you peace and lightness now and in the future.

    Jackie

  • Thank you. You have helped me through such a hard time.

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