Stress can come from harried schedules, crazy work deadlines, caring for aging parents and life events (expected or unexpected).
But another kind of stress I found surprising was revealed in a book called Living a Life that Matters by Harold Kushner. The following are three ways to reduce stress and find inner peace.
1) Live from your Values
Kushner’s definition of stress is: “Stress (which can affect us physically) may be as much a question of a compromise of values as it is a matter of time, pressure and fear of failure.”
Here’s an Example:
You are asked to serve on a committee, take on a project at your child’s school, or volunteer for an event. You want to say no. It will take away time from your family, or you know it’s going to zap your energy. But you say yes. That will cause stress. The value you compromised was quality time with your family or the value you compromised was your health and well-being.
No is a complete sentence. Only participate in activities that will authentically resonate with you and that you will enjoy doing.
2) Be Authentic
Authenticity is the second key to having inner peace. Being authentic means being YOU. Being an authentic Christian means exuding the fruits of the Holy Spirit which are:
Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.
Being authentic is being who you claim to be. You don’t act one way at work and another way at home. You are congruent in your speech and actions.
Attending a Sunday school class on wisdom, I was inspired to read the book of Ecclesiastes. King Solomon was considered to be the wisest man. I found these verses:
“Do not curse the king, even in your thoughts, or curse the rich, even in your bedroom; for a bird of the air may carry your voice, or some winged creature tell the matter.” Ecclesiastes 10:20
This passage doesn’t mean that we can’t express feelings. It does give us pause to consider what we say and how that reflects on our true character.
We live in the age of smart phones where calls are recorded and photographs and videos can be snapped in an instant. Words and images placed on social media cannot be undone and stay out there forever. The need to be authentic has never been greater in order to experience inner peace.
Jesus said, “You will know the truth and the truth will make you free.” John 8:32
When we live an authentic life, when we are truthful with ourselves, we are free.
3) Learn to Be Still
If you’ve been living your life with multiple personas as the people pleaser, super mom, super dad, or the never say no worker, change may be difficult.
Your mind may be cluttered with thoughts of guilt, doubt, fear of disappointing others and many more judgments.
You need to be still, quiet your mind and clear those thoughts away.
Meditation is a powerful way to clear anxious thoughts and allow God’s peace and presence to help you.
When you live your life from your values, when you live your life from authenticity, when you learn to still anxious and judgmental thoughts, you will reduce stress and find inner peace.
On the people pleasing front, do you find you try to please God and God is not pleased with you? Part of our stress is not embracing how much God loves us and wants the best for us. I’ve certainly had to change my view of God and God’s view of me! I write about that in this eBook and audio book, Bringing God’s View Into Focus to Live Life with Joy and Flow. Download a free copy while it’s free.
Jackie Trottmann
July 1, 2016 3:57 pmHi Sarah,
It’s good to hear from you! But I’m sorry to hear that stress is constant for you. Thank you for the beautiful comment. I always hold you in my thoughts and prayers. I will offer the words from Paul in Philippians 4:7, “Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
Peace to you,
Jackie
Sarah walker
June 30, 2016 7:39 amStress feels like it is present constantly for me right now.
Your e-zines never cease to give me insight into my faith, the power of being still.
I continue to save everything you post. A wonderful source of understanding and faith
With heartfelt thanks as usual
God bless
SARAH
Jackie Trottmann
May 25, 2016 4:10 pmHi Lois,
No should never be used as an excuse. It would be nice if those that feel inadequate could be given a nudge so that they might feel adequate(?) Just an observation. I’m sure it is an extra challenge in a small church community such as yours and that other church leaders face the same challenges. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experience.
Peace to you,
Jackie
Lois McRae
May 23, 2016 1:01 amHi Jackie,
Sometimes saying ‘No’ is hard. Being in a small church community were we have no minister we have to rely on our members. Sometimes we have to put up our hand to help lead services as others feel inadequate. Being Elder coordinator I feel I need to use my skills with the help of others to lead the worship service. We also have other members who take services who have had training. If we say No, this must be for the right reasons. Not using No as an excuse.
Jackie Trottmann
May 15, 2016 3:09 pmHi Daisy,
I’m glad you found the post helpful. Make saying no a powerful habit. : ) I know I have. Don’t forget to say yes to those things that are life-giving and not soul and energy stealing.
Peace to you,
Jackie
Daisy Mkandla
May 14, 2016 9:47 pmAmazing post Jackie! The insight to “live from your values” is great and will help me say “no” to some commitments which have put pressure on daily activities.
Jackie Trottmann
May 14, 2016 3:15 pmHi Bev,
I’m glad you feel validated. Living from values is so important.
Peace to you,
Jackie
Bev
May 14, 2016 2:09 pmI love your explanation for living from your values. It takes spiritual confidence to know when to say yes and when to say no. Thanks for the validation!
Jackie Trottmann
July 17, 2015 9:44 amHi Cathy,
Thanks for the comment. Kushner has some wonderful insights. His book When Bad Things Happen to Good People is a must read for everyone. Best wishes in your business.
Jackie
Cathy Yerges
July 10, 2015 5:06 pmI love Kushner’s definition of stress. I find it to be true that stress is a misalignment with your core values.
Cathy Yerges
BG3 LLC
Business Growth 3 Ways
Jackie Trottmann
June 25, 2015 1:53 pmHi Psalm,
That is wonderful. Thanks for sharing. I love your name. I’ve never met anyone named Psalm. How could you NOT be at peace with a name like that? :)
Continued peace,
Jackie
Jackie Trottmann
June 25, 2015 1:51 pmHi Fiona,
Thank you. There’s a wonderful book called The Gift of Fear. In it was the line, “No is a complete sentence.” It’s so funny when you just say no. Not, no, I can’t because I have this other commitment, blah, blah, blah. What I’ve found is amazing is that people don’t ask, “Why not???” They usually say, “Okay,” and that’s it! They will find someone else. And… no guilt. :)
Warmest regards,
Jackie
Jackie Trottmann
June 25, 2015 1:47 pmHi Henry,
Glad you loved it. :) Best wishes on your work to help writers. Sadly, it’s not enough to write a book. There’s the marketing, building your platform, etc. So daunting that I’m sure that people become disenchanted. May you keep “igniting” them to keep on keeping on.
Peace and blessings,
Jackie
Jackie Trottmann
June 25, 2015 1:40 pmHi Christine,
Thank you for reading and for the comment. Yes, we are on the same page. I checked out your blog and will post a comment in return. :) Best wishes with your business.
Warmly,
Jackie
Jackie Trottmann
June 25, 2015 1:29 pmHi Val,
Thank you fore reading and for the comment. I hope that the living from your values part struck a nerve in a good way! It was a surprising realization for me too that this could cause great stress. That’s why I wanted to share it. Best wishes with your business.
Warmly,
Jackie
Jackie Trottmann
June 25, 2015 1:22 pmHi Josee,
Thank you for reading and thank you for commenting. Best wishes with your work to help others be “authentic” in their health and well-being.
Peace,
Jackie
Josee
June 24, 2015 9:48 pmWonderful way of looking at relieving stress. I especially liked how you connect social media with authenticity. Very real.
Val Silver
June 24, 2015 5:44 pmThese are 3 important ways to reduce stress that we often don’t think about. The one about living your values struck a nerve.
Christine Bearse
June 24, 2015 5:02 pmWe are very much on the same page, Jackie! I loved your simplified approach to eliminating stress, thank you!
Christine
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Christine Bearse
Goal Whisperer
Business and Goal Setting Coach
Henry Matlock
June 24, 2015 4:54 pmLove these, Jackie! Especially insightful was the fact that stress can result from failing to live out our values. Thanks for the post.
Henry
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Henry Matlock
“The Writer Re-Igniter”
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Fiona
June 24, 2015 3:13 pmThis is such a great post! Thank you so much for sharing it. I really do need to learn to say no without feeling guilty, but you are right – when we commit to things that we really don’t have the time for something else suffers, and it’s often something that’s far more important to us.
Psalm
June 24, 2015 3:10 pmThe importance of being at the center of my life to be at peace is very real to me these days. thx!